Have you ever lost weight and gained it back?
Ever felt like you know what you should be doing and asked yourself "why can't I get my act together?"
If so, this post if for you.
“We all must suffer one of two things: The pain of discipline, or the pain of regret and disappointment.” – Jim Rohn
I once mentioned that quote to a client who later told me she spent a week trying to come up with a third option.
She didn't like either of those two. After wrestling with the statement, she eventually realized it's true.
It's interesting isn't it. The quote seems like such a logical one. It's not an emotional proclamation, right? If it can be said with such logical clarity, then why do we resist it?
Perhaps we do so because change can be a long, emotional journey with twists, turns, and disappointments we'd rather avoid. In other words, I think we resist trying to change because we know doing so will force us to face ourselves in ways we'd rather not:
CHANGE FORCES US TO DEAL WITH
Our limitations
Our deeper motivators
Our excuses
Our boundaries
Our past
Our doubts
Our fear(s)
Our daily behaviors
Our coping mechanisms
Things we’d rather not give up
Those Aren’t Easy Realities to Face. Television and ice cream are easy things to face. The above list, no way! That’s the challenging stuff we have to deal with to become a different person.
Now that doesn’t mean we have to face all those demons at once--please don't try that (there's a better way)!
However, change that lasts forces us to go through transitions that aren’t always comfortable.
AN IMPORTANT TRUTH ABOUT LASTING CHANGE
Few people, myself included, revel in the idea of facing our deficiencies and going through the grinding discipline of overcoming them. Yet, here's an important point:
Positive or negative, change is going to come, so we might as well do our best to be in the driver's seat!
Change is the other reality besides death and taxes that is certain in life.
And if change is most definitely going to come, then darn it all, why not be proactive about it and do our best to have change lead us in a positive direction?
Why sit back and let the change brought about by neglect or inaction be the driver of the state of your health, or finances, or relationships?
Think of who you admire most in those three areas (health, finances, relationships) do you not admire those people for what they have overcome?
GEARING UP TO WIN STARTS IN THE MIND
Life is Hard. The news flash that occurred to me some years ago is that life will have a lot of challenges along the way. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but OK…got it. Now what? Life is hard sometimes, yes.
As Jim Rohn also said, life is “opportunity mixed with difficulty.” The ratio of those two realities will ebb and flow, but the mix is not going to change. Facing our challenges helps us get a more favorable ratio.
Change is NOT easy. Pause. Like my client did, take your time to swallow that so you can digest it and overcome. I admit, telling people change is hard one of the most unpopular things I say.
But here's the sober reality, almost every time, change is harder and takes longer than we expect. That’s terrible marketing I know, but it's honest.
And guess what that honesty does?
It validates people’s experiences. It sets them up with better expectations. It makes them feel like they are not alone, or defective.
Most importantly, knowing that other people have overcome similar situations helps them create the fertile ground for beginning to ask better questions—the right questions.
FREEDOM AND HOPE THROUGH BETTER PERSPECTIVE
As a professional question asker I love it that people give me permission to ask them tough questions. I get the great pleasure of using curiosity to explore possibilities and new perspectives. Thoughtful, informed questions help people see the big picture, and that, can change everything.
Good questions accelerate learning. They short-circuit disappointments. They help chart a clear path through what was once a confusing mass of options. Better questions allow us to foresee obstacles, and help us develop a philosophy to deal with the inevitable glitches of life.
BRACE FOR IMPACT. THEN OVERCOME.
You’re going to be emotional, and at times you’re not going to want to deal with your emotion.
Do it anyway.
Caveat: Not every day is the day to deal with why we get emotional. But as some point, you have to.
My challenge to you is to invest your emotion in your own story.
Choosing to not medicate with distractions: alcohol, TV, drugs, sports, social media, pop culture, etc. allows you to fully feel your feelings instead of numbing them.
You won't always like those feelings, but facing them, talking them out, writing them out, and aiming them in a positive direction is how you start to overcome. It's how you become a different person. It's how you feel like you have your act together.
Why not invest emotion in writing your own story instead of living someone else’s? I did…I just wrote this. How would you change if you turned off your TV and phone?
SUCCESS LEAVES CLUES
Oh, and about that client who didn't like those two options Jim Rohn mentioned, in our time together so far she just told me 1) she no longer feels invisible, and 2) she feels passion stirring inside her that had been dormant for years.
Turns out digesting that statement lit a fire inside her to start making real change.
What are you capable of when you gear up to face the process of change head on? What sweet life that you daydream about is out there waiting for you? You got this, and if you want some help, check out Whole Human Coaching.
I'm already proud of you,
Christian
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